Wednesday, August 5, 2009

1984 and pies

Welcome all and today we’re going to talk about privacy and pies, yup these two are more closely related than one may think. First pies, oh yes I like pies, home made pies like grandma used to make, and here we hit point one, there is a generation between me and real pies. My mom never really did a lot of baking and I’ve seen what the pathetic excuse for baking my generation tries to get away with. It used to be you started with an apple tree or garden or other such food source and flour and lard and dare I say it “ingredients” but not today we start with a bloody super market or super store or super something and the baking supplies (that’s right supplies not ingredients) in isle 6. Here in the magical land of isle 6 we find pre made crust at one end and a can of whatever at the other end. Apples, berries, peaches, which may or may not contain said apples berries or peaches but will contain all sorts of preservatives that will not be listed on it because that may give us pause for concern. Then we begin the arduous trip to the isle of 8 to quest for a disposable pie pan because offenses of offenses the pre made pie crust doesn’t come with a pan already attached! From there we load into our disposable car and drive to our apartment complex trying not to make to much noise or risk offending the snitch in apartment 2398 who will stay up till 3 in the morning to call in noise complaints so officer what am I doing with my life can show up to wake you up and ask why are there noise complaints about you. Any who’s I digress back to the baking! We put our pie crust into the pie pan and the pie filling into the pie crust and this monstrosity into our apartment sized stove that will strain for the next 30 minutes to make what will then be called a pie. IT’S NOT A PIE PEOPLE! Anyone who’s enjoyed a real pie will know the difference. It’s like the salisbury steak, it’s a bloody hamburger! I don’t call a pinto a salisbury cadillac! So how does this all come back to privacy? Really it’s a simple connection of convenience and independence. When people realize that independence is rarely convenient the have to make a choice will I do this myself and my way or will I let someone else do it while whining about the results. Now I feel this may all be coming out of seemingly left field so I will share where this bonnet of bees came from. Our motherland of Britain (If the US has taken to referring to itself as the homeland which brings with it the connotations of being the fatherland I will label Britain our new motherland) back on topic Britain has decided it will spend approximately 700 million to push towards a full first stage of 1984 control and usurpation of family control. This is all under the banner of “for the children” which pisses me off to no end but let’s keep going you remember that snitch in apt 2398 right? Well it turns out she has been deemed a responsible parent by the government so when little Johnny gets out of hand she going to call the “family intervention projects” and then after a short interview it will be decided you could use some “guidance” so the government will install “free of charge” cameras or “telescreens” to ensure the children are going to bed at an appropriate time, going to school, eating proper meals, not being mistreated and fulfilling their contractual duties... oh yeah did I forget to mention that there will be a contract for both the parents and children to sign making a legal obligation as to what is appropriate behavior for both? It must have slipped my slippery little mind. Then we hit the little issue of private security guards and social services workers (anyone who’s dealt with these “people” before will understand the true threat they pose to any developing human being) will have full access to make “home checks” to ensure you are raising your children within pre established acceptable parameters. So don’t you dare think of taking your children out to pluck apples from trees and show them how to make a crust from ingredients and bake for the love of food and family because more than likely that is outside the pre established acceptable parameters and could possibly lead to an independent nature and deviant behavior. However if you choose to go buy the Pre made pie in a box with the pie pan already on it and already baked, skip the arduous task of baking real or eating real food you should get a palpable review from the sate, and while we’re at it skip the arduous task of raising your children and just hand them over to the state. Motherland knows best don’t you know.

1 comment:

  1. I'll bake you a pie. A real pie.

    Just not at Burning Man. Playa pie is probably not so good.